An unhealthy lifestyle caused by excessive drinking, piling debts out of gambling habits, or cheating spouses, can turn bad for worse, making lives miserable.
Why do people cheat?
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal of trust and a relationship killer that has broken both hearts and families. Answering the question of why requires scientific research to uncover the behavior of offenders — and their response patterns was more complex than stereotypes suggest.
The research involved 495 participants who were recruited through a pool at an American university. They were asked the age-old question: why did you cheat? An analysis revealed eight key reasons: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance.
Most of those who admitted to having affairs felt emotional attachment with their cheating partner, but more significant among those who complain of neglect or lack of love and attention from primary relationships.
For OFWs, this could translate to spouses who spend less consistent time with their partners or often argue on time they’re supposed to inspire each other amidst the long-distance separation. Those who reported feeling less connected to their primary partner experienced greater emotional intimacy in the affair, perhaps as a way of fulfilling that need.
Although infidelity was supposed to be a clandestine activity, purposely discreet to hide from the prying eyes of the public, some cheaters were less careful than others, perhaps done deliberately through public display of affection to their partner. Those who were involved in a relationship for convenience were less inclined to be caught in the open, perhaps because they hoped to return to their primary relationship without disclosing the affair.
Those who are tempted by an illicit relationship have been forewarned. The research also revealed that infidelity rarely leads to a meaningful relationship. Only one out of 10 of the affairs (11.1 percent) ultimately turned into a full-fledged commitment—one of the preconceptions that turn out to be true.
Signs of a cheating partner
In a long-distance relationship, detecting signs of unfaithfulness can be a tricky proposition. Although maintaining a relationship while far apart can build trust and overcome temporary hiccups, distance itself can be the cause of breakups. Regular honest communication is the key to a healthy relationship.
It’s obviously hard to tell when a partner is truthful in a long-distance relationship. Will you feel alarmed if your spouse’s phone doesn’t get answered? Do you feel his or her response of not responding to a text message spells suspicion? Here are a few signs that a partner could be involved in an illicit affair.
- Your partner is always busy. You call him/her and the response is always, “I am busy.””One partner may continuously be too busy to spend quality time for their significant other,” said Lynda Cameron Price, a licensed professional counselor.
- They are hanging out with new friends but don’t provide details. It is not unusual for OFWs to meet new friends at work and in social circles. But when they stop sharing about certain occasions or people they meet regularly, it’s an alarm bell worth looking into.
- The communication has gone quiet. What used to be a lively phone call has gone silent, and the contact between you and your spouse abroad has become irregular and infrequent.
- Your partner gets angry or defensive when asked certain questions. A simple question like who they had dinner or spent an outing with can spark anger and point an accusatory finger that you lack trust and pick fights.
- They show a lack of interest in meeting you soon. They don’t plan for a holiday to visit you or arrange to meet you somewhere. Nor do they plan to settle for good and reunite with you.
Not all these signs point to an unfaithful partner, but each item warrants a closer look.
How do you prevent cheating in a relationship?
As the American university study revealed, a cheating relationship can exist as the accumulation of pent-up anger, lack of commitment and appreciation, or lack of love and intimacy.
Preventing the occurrence of cheating in a relationship is a top priority; cheating can have a negative effect not just on adults in a relationship, but on young children who depend physically and emotionally on the stability of adult relationships.
- Set agreements and expectations. Couples are far from perfect, but a compromise helps manage expectations and understands shortcomings. A spouse’s strength can complement the weakness of a partner.For example, if an outgoing OFW husband is married to a stay-at-home wife, they can meet halfway to arrange a movie night or drink with friends at a pub at a reasonable frequency. In this way, the husband doesn’t feel too restricted from what makes him happy.
- Understand your partner. It can take a lifetime to get to know a spouse. Along the way, you can figure out if there are things better left unsaid or give them the full skinny based on their behavior and reaction.If you are naturally drawn to women because of your charisma but have a wife far away who isn’t comfortable with you in their company, you can step a bit from engaging with them not only to avoid temptation but also to avoid upsetting your wife.
- Don’t be jealous. Jealousy is a natural feeling, but do not make it overwhelm the relationship that puts an iron grip on your partner’s neck. You can’t keep a partner around reliably or happily using threats and fear. Instead, focus on wooing your partner with your abilities and caring nature.
- Limit opportunities to cheat.
Affairs and cheating are often a function of opportunity. Having frequent time together with a co-worker, being at a late-night party, or entertaining thoughts of an illicit relationship with someone nearby should be avoided altogether.It’s not yet a sin if it’s only a temptation, but you can get easily drawn to it when the opportunity presents itself. So be on guard and make necessary adjustments. Have another person join you with a co-worker or cut back on these get-togethers and late-night trips to the pub.
Truly it’s natural that loneliness pushes some Filipinos to seek companions whom can they talk and share their time with. It starts with There are frequent meetings. It may come to pass that they fall in love with each other.
If both parties have no family responsibilities back in the Philippines, nobody should become an obstacle to two lonely hearts caring for each other. But if one or both of them have families to support back home? Big trouble is certainly on the way.
Overseas lovers may want to live together. They will rent a house. Buy appliances. There are monthly expenses like payments on electricity, water, telephone bills, etc. In the end, the OFW father or mother may have problems sending money to his family in the Philippines.
An additional burden begins should a woman get pregnant. But what if the woman also has marital or family obligations in the Philippines?
OFW relationships can get overly complicated if it was wrong, to begin with. But how can a homesick Filipino / Filipina deal with loneliness abroad?
What to do when you find out about your partner’s unfaithfulness?
If all efforts to maintain faithfulness with each other were exhausted and you still receive the most devastating relationship news, what should you do?
- Take a deep breath and allow yourself to express your emotions. It is possible to cry and scream to let the emotion out.“So if you need to scream, scream — into a pillow rather than at your partner. If you need to cry, then let yourself go into that ugly cry,” said Piper S. Grant, a licensed clinical psychologist.
- Reach out to friends for comfort. You don’t need to ask for advice if you can help it. Trusted friends beside you can provide comfort, and that’s all you need at that moment of anxiety. Them jumping to conclusions and offering unsolicited advice can sometimes be counterproductive and won’t help you tackle the sudden emotional outburst.
- Spend time processing your thoughts. Do not make immediate decisions that you could regret later. Give yourself at least 24 hours before making big life decisions. It can be ending the relationship, fighting for custodial control, and so on. Let your temper cool down and settle the matter in a rational manner.
- Avoid social media updates. Many Filipinos are guilty of sharing posts suggesting their relationship is on the rocks, triggering gossip that leads to judging the other as the guilty party without allowing his or her side to be heard.
- Don’t act vengefully. Sometimes the way to ease your heartache is to inflict the same pain on the offending party. You don’t want to do something you can’t reverse, say getting involved in an affair yourself. At the end of the day, you won’t feel better “getting back” at them.“You’re really hurting right now, and you want your partner to hurt the same, but don’t spread the pain,” says Bethany Ricciardi, a relationship expert.