Every December, airports in big cities like Manila, Cebu, and Davao are filled with arriving balikbayans carrying boxes of pasalubong and bracing themselves for the combination of joy, jet lag, and elevated levels of excitement that await them.
Many of return quietly to see family, yet others are under intense pressure to “show off” their success. They often wear designer labels, expensive bags or flaunt the latest phone models. These gestures aren’t always rooted in arrogance; sometimes they’re a way to prove that their hard work abroad was worth it.
But where does this pressure come from? Why do so many OFWs and migrants feel they have to spend big or look a certain way when they visit? And how does this affect both them and the people they’re visiting?
Let’s break it down honestly, so Filipinos back home can better understand this unspoken reality many kababayans face.
Success is often measured by appearances
In many Filipino communities, success is often seen, not just felt. When an OFW comes home, there’s often an unspoken expectation that they will:
- Dress well – Branded clothing, watches, and shoes become symbols of financial progress. They might also sport a more sophisticated hairstyle and matching shades.
- Give pasalubong – Relatives, neighbours, even distant family often expect chocolates, perfumes, clothes, and other imported goods.
- Treat others – “Libre mo naman kami!” is a common phrase they hear when meeting family and friends they haven’t met for a long time. Although passed off as a mere joke, the balikbayan can sense the need to open their pockets and treat everyone around for a hearty meal and drinks.
- Show tangible signs of improvement – A new phone, car rental, or even a minor renovation to the family house is often seen as proof that the move abroad was “worth it.” This is also aimed at silencing certain people who downplay the balikbayan’s achievements abroad.
This gesture isn’t just about arrogance. For many, it’s about maintaining dignity, avoiding judgment, or simply meeting people’s expectations.
However, not all gestures are done the same way. There are Filipinos working abroad who spend unnecessarily during their visits to the Philippines to make their point. Some even take out loans just to afford their homecoming expenses.
The ‘utang na loob’ and family pressure
Filipino culture places a huge value on utang na loob which is a sense of deep gratitude or obligation. For many OFWs, especially those who came from poor backgrounds, there’s a strong desire to give back.
This opportunity presents itself when a Filipino worker abroad pays a visit home after finishing a contract or availing their annual leaves from work. They can look at different people with gratitude.
Many OFWs feel a deep sense of utang na loob toward parents and relatives who helped them financially, emotionally, or logistically in securing work abroad. This pressure often translates into a sense of duty to give back—through money, gifts, or public displays of success as a way to honor that support and avoid being labelled as ungrateful.
Beyond supporting their parents, many OFWs also extend help to siblings and extended family members by financing their children’s education, starting small businesses for them, or paying for medical bills and emergencies.
These acts are often driven by a strong sense of family responsibility and the belief that their success abroad should uplift not just their immediate household, but the whole clan. While generous, this kind of giving can sometimes come with silent expectations or create financial strain.
For many balikbayans, showing off becomes a form of community bragging rights—a way to prove to neighbours, old classmates, and the entire barangay that their move abroad was a success. Driving a new car, throwing lavish parties, or simply being seen with imported goods can boost one’s status.
In small towns or provinces where people talk and compare, being recognised as “the successful one” can be a source of pride both personally, and the whole family’s reputation.
Social media magnifies the image
Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok have made it easier to post carefully curated images of balikbayan life. It can be a carefully photographed luxury meal, family beach outing, or unboxing shiny new gadgets, these posts often create an illusion of constant success.
What people don’t see are the years of homesickness, the long shift hours, missed birthdays, and the emotional toll of raising kids through video calls. Many OFWs struggle with loneliness, poor working conditions, and constant pressure to send money home, even when they’re barely getting by. Yet because of expectations, and in some cases pride, they keep smiling for the camera, giving the illusion that life abroad is always better.
Peer pressure among OFWs is real. When one balikbayan arrives with designer bags or throws a grand welcome party, others may feel the need to match that standard to avoid looking “less successful.”
This silent competition can lead to overspending or taking on debt just to maintain projecting an image, even if it means sacrificing future savings or emergency funds. The fear of being judged or pitied by fellow OFWs or family back home often outweighs practical concerns.
Comments from others like “wala man lang siyang pinasalubong” or “yun lang dala mo?” may seem harmless, but they carry weight. They can suggesti that anything less than overflowing balikbayan boxes or lavish gifts is disappointing.
Such kind of judgment can guilt-trip OFWs into overspending just to meet the unspoken expectations of relatives and neighbors. Worse, they might even hear close relatives say, “Sana pinera mo na lang at hindi ka nalang nagbakasyon.”
The financial toll is real
A month-long vacation in the Philippines can cost OFWs thousands of dollars, especially when they’re expected to treat family to meals, throw welcome parties, or fund home renovations.
What many people back home don’t realise is that most OFWs don’t get paid leave: taking time off usually means going unpaid or using up limited vacation credits. To meet the high expectations surrounding their return, some even borrow money just to afford outings, meals and other expenses tied to their homecoming.
While generosity is a core Filipino value, the reality is that many balikbayans feel pressured to give, even when it comes at a personal cost. Long-term financial goals like saving for a house, supporting their children’s future, or preparing for retirement are often put on hold.
They may come home smiling, but behind the smiles are empty wallets and postponed dreams—all because they don’t want to disappoint the people they love.
The misconception that life abroad is easy
There’s a common misconception that life abroad is always easier, but many OFWs face loneliness, long hours, and physically demanding jobs. Being away from family during holidays affects their mental health, and some also experience racism or unfair treatment.
In countries like Canada, Australia, or the UK, the high cost of living eats up a significant portion of their income. Despite these challenges, OFWs continue to send money home, often supporting several family members, while quietly making sacrifices of their own.
What Filipinos in the Philippines can do differently
Understanding the balikbayan experience is the first step to truly supporting your loved ones abroad. If a family member or friend is visiting from overseas, keep these in mind: Don’t expect too much—if they didn’t bring grand pasalubong or treat everyone, it doesn’t mean they’re being selfish.
Offer to share expenses instead of expecting them to cover everything. Focus on time, not things; what they value most is catching up and being with you. Ask how they really are. Behind the smiles might be stress, homesickness, or financial strain. Most importantly, respect their limits. Not everyone can lend money, attend every gathering, or meet every request. Your understanding means more than you realize.
Final thoughts
Filipinos working or living abroad often carry a heavy emotional and financial burden when visiting home. While many want to give and share their blessings, they shouldn’t have to do it at the cost of their well-being or future.
Let’s change the way we welcome balikbayans. Let’s appreciate their presence, not their pasalubong. Let’s celebrate their sacrifices, not their spending.
Because in the end, true connection isn’t measured in gifts or money. It is measured in genuine love and understanding.