For many Filipinos working or living abroad, the dream of coming home is a sweet one: reuniting with family, enjoying home-cooked meals, and catching up on lost time and rekindle past memories.
But for Overseas Filipino Workers, that homecoming can also come with a heavy, silent burden: the expectation to pay for everything. Many of them resign to this expectation and preempt by approaching lenders to borrow spending money or increase credit spending limits.
If you’re reading this from the Philippines, hoping for a pasalubong or a treat from your relative abroad, it’s worth stepping into their shoes for a moment. The pressure is real that it is in fact, overwhelming sometimes.
The unspoken pressure begins the moment the plane lands
For OFWs, coming home is often seen not just as a visit, but as a celebration that must be sponsored by the supposedly well-off foreign worker. The Duty Free sales staff invite them to come over and take a look at wines, cigarettes or perfumes as pasalubong items.
There’s the expectation to bring gifts for everyone, foot the bill for family outings, pay off someone else’s debts, or shoulder family needs that have piled up in their absence.
The conversation might start with someone asking, “Magkano ang pamasahe from Canada?”
Whether you play it coy by brushing off the question or be brutally honest the cost of traveling these days, there’s that perception that you must have enough savings to warrant such travel expense, and spare money to spend during your stay in the Philippines.
This isn’t just a feeling; it’s backed by research. According to a study by the Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas, overseas Filipino workers’ remittances provide a sole lifeline to many families in the Philippines, and amidst the record dollar remittance values broken every year many struggle to save. And when they return home, the psychological pressure to spend multiplies.
Why do relatives expect OFWs to pay for everything?
Again, if you are in the Philippines with a relative working or living abroad, here are some common reasons you might point out:
They think you earn more than you actually do.
Many assume salaries abroad are huge and that life is now more manageable with your growing savings. They don’t see the high cost of living, rent, sometimes taxes, and personal expenses OFWs deal with.
Media and social posts create unrealistic images.
Seeing balikbayan boxes or photos with landmarks and branded items can paint a picture of wealth that isn’t always real. Whether building memories or just seeking validation, shared photos do not reflect the actual situation.
Cultural “utang na loob” and family-first mentality.
OFWs are often raised with the value of sacrificing for family. That sense of obligation becomes part of their identity.
“Yan si Tito Maeng mo, sya naghanap ng backer para makasakay ka sa barko. Bigyan mo naman ng dollars.”
They believe you owe them for ‘letting you go.’
Some family members feel entitled to financial rewards just because they helped or supported the OFW’s journey abroad.
“Kung hindi dahil sa amin, hindi ka makakapunta ng abroad.”
How this financial pressure leads to anxiety
Coming home should bring joy, but many OFWs experience dread instead. Here’s how that pressure can affect them:
Financial depletion
Some OFWs spend months or even go into debt just to prepare for a trip home. After a few weeks, they return abroad with less savings—or none at all. Those who sought the help of lenders to finance their expenses in the Philippine vacation are now back to work abroad, toiling for months to repay their loans.
Emotional exhaustion
Constant requests for money or being treated like a human ATM wears down an OFW’s mental health.
Resentment and guilt
OFWs may begin to feel used or unappreciated. At the same time, guilt creeps in for feeling that way about family.
“I didn’t come home to be treated like a bank. I came home to rest, to breathe,” one might quip after an exhausting homecoming that also drained the bank account.
What OFWs wish their families understood
Filipino workers abroad are not ungrateful or selfish when they say “no.” They are trying to survive too.
Here’s what many OFWs wish they could say openly:
“I’m saving for my future, not just yours.”
“I can’t afford to treat everyone every time I come home.”
“Just because I work abroad doesn’t mean I’m rich.”
“Sometimes, I want to be the one taken care of.”
What families can do to ease the burden
If you have a loved one coming home from abroad, consider these simple but powerful ways to support them:
Don’t ask for pasalubong. It’s a bonus if you receive one.
If they bring something, be grateful. If not, your presence and conversation should be enough.
Avoid planning costly family gatherings without asking.
Don’t assume they’ll pay. Offer to split costs or help with the preparations.
Don’t announce their arrival to the entire barangay.
It’s okay to keep things lowkey. Not every homecoming needs to be a fiesta.
Be sensitive with your financial requests.
Emergencies are one thing—but asking for new gadgets or shopping money may be pushing it.
Ask how they are doing.
Many OFWs crave emotional support more than material things. A simple “Kumusta ka na?” means a lot.
Breaking the cycle of financial expectation
It’s time we normalise the idea that OFWs don’t owe everyone a shopping spree. OFWs are not superheroes or endless sources of money. They are people — sons, daughters, siblings, parents — just trying to make life better for everyone, including themselves.
Here’s how we as a culture can shift things:
Reframe “utang na loob”
It’s okay to appreciate what your OFW relative has done, but don’t weaponise that gratitude. True love doesn’t come with receipts.
Celebrate presence over presents
The fact that they chose to come home is already a gift. Don’t make them regret it.
Educate ourselves on the realities of living abroad
Learn about rent, exchange rates, and how much an OFW actually earns. Understanding helps reduce unrealistic expectations.
In conclusion: OFWs deserve to rest, not repay
Every Filipino abroad makes sacrifices—being away from their children, missing family events, working holidays, enduring homesickness. The least we can do when they come home is to make them feel loved, not obligated.
Before you ask for the latest iPhone or plan an all-you-can-eat buffet with their money, pause and ask yourself: Have I asked how they’re really doing?
Let’s change the way we welcome our OFWs home — from pressure and expectations to peace and appreciation.